This is not a request. This is not a begging letter. This is a challenge to me to accept help from those who feel compelled to offer. For a long time – as long as I can remember – I have been somewhat adverse to accepting financial gifts outside of Christmas and my birthday. Especially since I started working. I feel guilty at the implication that I need financial help. So I’m taking some action to challenge that assumption. I’m putting a donate button on my website where anyone who feels so inclined can kindly help me out. Exactly what I’ll spend it on, I really do not know. I know I’ll be super grateful!
I want to challenge the assumptions I make about money because I always seem to have enough but never more. The fear I feel when I see a homeless man or woman squatting down for the night is not out of the belief that will stab me or assault me. It’s a fear that comes from an acknowledgement of how easily that could be me. I don’t have any savings. Nothing stashed away for a rainy day despite all my elders best advice since I was a child. I’m £1000 in an overdraft, living in a foreign country, earning €944 a month. Enough to keep me well fed, keep a roof over my head and buy me enough pastries and coffees to keep me content without feeling like I’m out everyday.
I’ve been tracking my spending for a little over eight months. Not as religiously as I would like to be but it gives me a fair idea of where it’s all going. And the frustrating thing is, I still don’t have enough to save. I could live on rice and beans. I could make significant changes to my dietary choices and save lots of money there, but if food be thy medicine then I will happily continue to spend the majority of my hard earned money on food.
So, this isn’t a cry for help. Nor begging for charity. It’s just an acceptance of the fact that if you feel so inclined to help me out with kind words and a little cash. I will happily accept it, no more turning down.