Momentos: Domingo 4th – Sabado 17th

Domingo 4th – I didn’t write any momentos today. Or anything in my diary that I can use instead. Sorry about that.

 

Lunes 5th – Sitting down to write about my reasons for putting a donate button on my website. My finances weighing heavy on my mind since that post. Unable to find and unwilling to look for the words, I made a budget instead. Get your own affairs in order, Adam. Then you can offer advice.

 

Martes 6th – Walking along Abando with my head in my phone as the noise of the street sweeper distracts me from my screen. I look up to see the driver cursing the man to my right, who hasn’t heard the thunder as he walks head down, feet forward. The driver and I lock eyes as I chuckle eliciting a smile and a laugh in return.

 

Miercoles 7th – Out in Unamuno, waiting on St. Pamz at the bottom of the steps. Reluctantly finished a chapter of Never Eat Alone as the evening chill sets in. Pulling out Irlanda I make my way onto the plaza. Trying new tricks and old ones as I warm myself up. A woman stops her enthusiastically without removing her hands from her pocket. We pass back and forth for nearly ten minutes. Neither of us feeling the need to say a single word.

 

Jueves 8th -As I walked along the river today I felt like an imposter. An outsider drawing attention to myself with my purple badge. Women everywhere adorned in the same colour, highlighted by the black that I don’t own. As I got close to el teatro arriaga I made eyes with a beautiful woman. Her face adorned with emblems. Her stare forced me to look away and I was unable to stop myself from looking back. Intimidated by this equal woman staring back at me. Excited by the prospect.

 

Viernes 9th – Three seats appeared in front of the piano and Jose, George and I jumped on them. Our silence above the hustle and bustle of a Friday night in Tirauki was broken by George’s cry for encouragement “Should I play the piano?” Fuck yes George! As he began to play the lights flicked off and on until the spotlight was firmly on him. In his natural element, he rolled off three ballads at lightning speed. Culminating in a shared sing song of Handbags and Gladrags as I imagine myself as Rod Stewart with the 70’s hair.

 

Sabado 10th – No meditation this morning. Made the rest of the world a priority this morning. Not sure why. Never sure why I don’t do the things I intend to. Never entirely sure why I do the things that I do do either. Working on improving that though and definitely getting better.

 

Domingo 11th – Feeling lonely yesterday after football. Sitting in Casco with Pabs, Jim and Pamz. Unwilling and unable to communicate as they converse in Wolof. It wasn’t the situation. It was my own inaction. Inaction on the hoth. An article to write for a trial. Happy that the door is open but it’s time to walk through it. The fear of failure has held you back for two days. Tomorrow is a new one. Get it done. No more procrastination. No more procrasterbation. No more delays. Get stuck into life.

 

Lunes 12th – Hopping onto the bus this morning I took my usual sea beside Arketza and pulled out my kindle. Forcing the issue of reading. As we rounded the final he coughed and caught my attention. “Adam, would you like to go to San Memes on Thursday?” Enserio? Two tickets for a European pxinto potti night offered up on a golden platter by a king, young gentleman. Do you think they’ll win? I eagerly enquired. His face said no, but he said “I’m not sure.”

 

Martes 13th – Cool to chat through my poem today with Seamus. Nice to explain some of my thinking and get some running, probing feedback. Painting the picture much clearer now. Really happy that he’s writing an article for the same edition. What a beautiful thing to come from a plea for feedback.

 

Miercoles 14th – A shitty day feeling conflicted about my absence at Colin and Jenny’s wedding. Exacerbated by Deans message this morning after I had returned to bed after vomiting. Part of me recognises I should be there on Friday, but I can’t and won’t be.

 

Jueves 15th – Anxious about returning to school tomorrow. Two days of illness taken it out of me. Grateful for the realisations you don’t have to punish yourself. Love yourself. Be proud of everything you that you are. Every decision that is clear and every decision that is cloudy.

 

Viernes 16th – Two friends got married today and I wasn’t there to see it. A decision I made a while ago and have stuck to. Wish I could say I didn’t wish I was there. Instead I’m here. In bed. Recovering from an unknown illness and feeling sorry for myself. Sending them all my love and best wishes.

 

Sabado 17th – Sitting waiting on George to appear. Looking to my phone for a distraction. Something to pull me away from the sounds and sights of the street. The bunches of silent smokers bouncing from side to side in front of the casino. THe elderly Spanish woman half in, half out on her balcony; two stories above me. The grey clouds rolling by between the blue skies. Feeling fit physically today. A welcome feeling. Tension in my body has moved to occupy my mind instead. As I open to Tinder to distract it “Adams!” interrupts. Alioune appearing again. We met on Somera, but we’ve bumped into each other everywhere but since.