Domingo 18th – So that’s it. The decision to end a relationship taken. Forced into action. Unable to hide behind the silence. My honesty was forced to fill it. I don’t feel ready to commit to someone else. Not while I’m unsure of my future. When that person arrives I will be sure of one thing, that it involves them. No longer an I; a we.
Lunes 19th – A beautiful video call with Robin tonight. Amazing to see him with a smile on his face and full of incredible news. Coming through his challenges day by day. An inspiration to me. We sat in silence, staring at our phones as the energy he radiates brought tears to my eyes. Love, respect and admire that man. Grateful to call him my friend.
Martes 20th – “I’ll send you a dirty message then I’m away to bed.” Dermy signed off with an I love you as per. My phone lit up as I had just removed my socks. Last, as always. Resting my camera below my stomach but above my belt, I put a finger in my mouth and snapped the raunchiest pic I’ve taken in a long time. Sure, we’re all friends here anyway.
Miercoles 21st – When my alarm woke me this morning I was stiff. Stiff from exertion. My body was urging me to let go. So I listened and my mind accepted. Conscious of the OCD tendencies Robin alluded to. So I wrote, I read and I did a few press ups. Grounding myself. Love and acceptance. Perfection is the enemy of better.
Jueves 22nd – “Adam, are we doing one to ones today?” Not today. Why? Are you next? “Yeah. Arrianne, then me.” Ohhh I’ll have to prepare something special for you. “No! No! Just normal.” But you’re not normal! “I am! I am!” The compliment intended for this amazingly confident, brave and kind young woman very much lost in translation.
Viernes 23rd – Walking home via Casco Viejo’s most special street, Somera. Where else? Coming out the side alley as Irlanda rolls towards Pamz before I even realised he was here. “Yo what’s up? Long time no see! How you been doing?” he said with his usual enthusiasm that always surprises. “I’m alright. A bit sick.” I offered back. “I’m not talking to you Adams, I’m talking to Irlanda!”
Sabado 24th – No screens today. Unsure of my reasons why, which strengthened my conviction. Felt the confliction as I questioned myself but didn’t act on my cravings. Nice to spend the day reading and writing. A little colouring in too. Even indulged in a mega siesta. Think I’ll do this more often. Make plans beforehand though. Important to be social.
Domingo 25th – I had just sat down to dinner when my phone buzzed. Facetime from Ilenia and Julia. Reading an English book to me. Julia absolutely rocking her bangs! I searched the translator for “Your hair looks amazing!” Took Julia by surprise as she dove into her aunty’s arms to hide. Peeking out for a translation before demanding back “English! English!”
Lunes 26th – “Hey Levin, what’s the craic?” “Nothing, Adam. Just calling to say I couldn’t sleep last night.” “Aw no man, everything alright?” “I was up all night reading your blog! Normally I hate reading but with your words, I could relate and understand.” Amazing to hear such beautiful compliments from a friend. “I was reading and then I was thinking I know you but I barely know you. Let’s sometime go for a walk, have a little smoke and get to know each other.” “Yeah Levin, let’s do it! Although, I’ve given up smoking weed.” “OK no problem, no weed. Just walks.”
Martes 27th – Fits of laughter today with Olatz as we began our one on one. Even before beginning, we were laughing. Extraordinary young woman. Full of life and energy and cheer. As soon as she walked in she was laughing. She took a seat and hit begin on the timer and begun with the questions. “Let’s talk about marriage. Are you married or single?” The question got her giggling and I could nothing to prevent myself from laughing back. “I’m single. OBVIOUSLY!” She replied through the belly laughs that came from nowhere.
Miercoles 28th – Sat in the Moroccan restaurant sipping their divine minty tea and playing UNO. “I made this in my house but it was nowhere near as good.” Darragh said longingly as he took another sip from the high glass. “You made it?” Exclaimed Monis “All you did was pour some water!” “You’re right, you made it.” Darragh sighed despondently. “Vascos…” I moaned. “So proud you just took all the credit for something that was shite.”
Jueves 1st – Sat down in the library and got out everything I wanted to play with. Laptop, diary and poem. I had barely begun working when I got a tap on my shoulder from the woman to my left. “Excuse me, are you an English speaker?” She asked apologetically. “Si!” I replied. “Native?” “Si! I replied again and she looked somewhat despondent so I added “Yes.” “Can you help me with my abstract translation please?” In between her apologies we worked our way through the corrections and had a few laughs at my own terrible command of the English language before returning to our work. As I began to write about meeting her I noticed she was beginning to pack up. So I stopped writing about her, pulled out my earphones, plucked up some courage and tapped her on the shoulder.
Viernes 2nd – Down with Aritz and Carlos cleaning out the chicken coup and preparing it for more exciting ventures. Full of internal questions of why? Time answered my questions that went unasked. The euskera-espanol combination doing me no favours. Although to be honest I was happy enough just puttering around and following my own intuition.
Sabado 3rd – Darragh and I exploring Portugalete, looking for a pier to jump off. Feeling the natural apprehension that comes with jumping off anything. Pulling up Darragh’s kaks that I begrudgingly accepted after my own apprehension and the gathering crowd convinced me that this was not the place for nudity. As we jumped off in unison I felt proud. Proud of the life I am living that pushes me beyond boundaries. That does the unusual with a smile. On my way into the water, my mind screamed fuck and my voice screamed “WOOOOOOOOO!”