Domingo 21st – Always feel inspired after speaking to Dermy. Even when I’m in a mood. He is always open to listening and taking advice, which I feel eternally driven to give. Working on knowing when to just listen, instead of providing solutions, but often silence says more than words are capable off.
Lunes 22nd – Found out that Denis turned pro today. Couldn’t be more proud of him. I have so much love and admiration for him, even in the face of our stark differences. He’s done it though! I hope I can achieve my goals with a fraction of the style and self-honesty Denis has. The day began with a long message from Jamie, fairly bemoaning his suffering at the hands of Denis. Being ignored is painful. Both guilty of and fell victim to.
Martes 23rd – Chicos, please! Behave yourselves. Have some respect when your classmates are talking. If you keep talking, you will have to eat lunch with me for the rest of the week. You don’t want that do you? “I don’t mind. It might be fun.” Damnit! That’s supposed to be a punishment.
Miercoles 24th – A French movie with Spanish subtitles with a woman who speaks four languages. The imagery capturing all the vulnerability I couldn’t comprehend from words alone. AIDs activists, losing hope as their clocks tick on relentlessly towards D day. As I began to feel emotional, I reached for Saray’s hand and found it waiting for me. Holding each other in our fingertips as we silently wept.
Jueves 25th – Rang Dermy as I began walking. He was distracted when he answered. Completely mirroring the feelings I hadn’t acknowledged. Here I was walking home a different way. With a spring still in my legs after bounding up the escaleras with humour on my mind. With two headphones in trying to do it all. So I shut up. So did Dermy. I didn’t notice the call dropping out. There was no apology needed from either party. No apology even offered. A simple “try again” accepting everything that came before.
Viernes 26th – “Do you want me to draw you?” Hector throwing down the gauntlet for himself. A turbulent five minutes – emotions riding high. One moment revelling in being the centre of attention, the next questioning every ego driven decision I’ve ever made. It felt intense to be drawn… and I couldn’t help but smile. I would like to be a nude art model, in a pleasantly heated room (to appease my ego). Next time don’t break eye contact. Don’t even try.
Sabado 27th – We had been together all day – doing one thing or another. Walking around our city; our home; our playground. Meeting Thierno and Beltza, no need to seek approval for a friend from my friend. We meandered back to Saray’s house for some lunch, on Spanish time. Lying down in silence afterwards. Silently exploring, slowly removing clothes but not all.
Domingo 28th – Coming down the mountain. Running here and there. Tssh, tsssh, tsssshhhh, tttssssssshhhhhiing as we go. Thierno and I; stride for stride. Sun shining from the sky and our hearts as we roll down the hill. Jumping on and spinning off any ledges we can find. Even taking a slam as i try to move my body in new shapes and ways.
Lunes 29th – Cooking with Kristina. She had all the answers behind her noisy mind. A mind that says “I don’t know! LET’S PANIC!” Took some photos I’m really proud to share. Captured all the attitude in one glance. Dinner was delicious, albeit rather late. None of us too bothered by that little turn of fate.
Martes 30th – An unexpected phonecall from Robin as I stood outside Baobo. Such a pleasant surprise and a potential rule to follow. If they’re online as you type, just call your friends.
Miercoles 31st – The most mysterious present I have received in a while. The wrapping paper threw me completely. Gave me lots of reasons to smile. A book about the words not spoken. Read what between the lines and languages as you attempt to understand. What a beautiful message for an inspiring poet.
Jueves 1st – More sketching today. A tranquil little challenge of love and self-acceptance. Each line is perfect. Release your expectations. Let go of your inhibitions. Sitting in the laundromat, as my clothes dry off. Barely noticing the world around as perfection leads from my hand.
Viernes 2nd – Ever used lube, George? “No, I don’t find it necessary.” Fair, but are dildos necessary? “More than lube.” It’s a real joy with lube though. I can lend you some if you like? “Have you got a few?” Two. One normal. One premium. “Oh, I see.” Wonderful to be able to talk so openly about this, don’t you think?
Sabado 3rd – After packing away my shopping, I headed over to San Francisco for the street market. So far this month my spending has been tidy enough to afford the lavish purchase of a beautiful black cruiser; The Flying Dutchman. A tiny little bike compared to my disproportional height but she is a cracker. Designed to be cycled around like a gentleman through the streets of Bilbao. A welcome change to my usual frenzy.